Survival Guide To LIC (Part 2)

4 More Simple Rules to Survive in LIC – (…continued)

SIDS – System Is Down Syndrome

Say you want to check how your policy is doing. You go down to your branch and ask them. Couldn’t be simpler you think. Instead, hilarity ensues -

You: “I want to check my policy status.” (he looks like he wants to kill me)

LIC: “Policy number?” (jus coz you’ve got nothing better to do…)

You: “xxxxxxxxx” (he really wants to kill me, but this is his job)

LIC: “System Is Down!” (serves him right! wants to know does he…)

You: “Is there nothing you can do?” (please let there be)

LIC: “No, System Is Down.” (don’t you get it? its code for GO AWAY)

You: “I’ll get it if I come back tomorrow?” (please say yes)

LIC: “Sure, why not?” 

Next day – Lather, Rinse, Repeat!!!

BIAR – Boss Is Always Right

Familiar to all the people who have ever had a bad boss (seemingly most of us), LIC is chockfull of ‘I’m always right’ bosses and ‘Yes Boss’ suck ups. This is a mystery I would give my right arm to solve. Why is it that the inefficient, incompetent and idiot boss always insists on this rule and the smartest boss never does?

Ergo test for a good/bad boss -

He says: ‘I’m always right’ – bad boss

He is mostly right – better boss

KAT – Kill A Tree

Clerk at check out counter – “Kill a tree or choke a fish?” (paper or plastic)

LIC picked kill a tree. What? Yes you read that right. Everything, and I do mean everything, that passes through the portals of LIC has to have a physical paper copy, preferably in triplicate. Sending a letter to a customer? one copy for your files & one for customer (don’t forget to enter into the register). Sending a mail to head office? Print it out, how else will you prove that you sent it? (sent items? what’s that?). Here I was, laboring under the misconception that email was invented to curb the use of paper…Hmm maybe I should keep printouts of this blog, just in case!

NTTT – Never Tell The Truth

Because your average LICian can’t handle it. Sugar coat it, white lie your way out of it, avoid telling it,pass the buck to someone else whatever…but never ever tell the truth. It hurts!

Sample truths to never tell:

• I think you’re wrong, ***. (insert boss/colleague/junior)
• It’s my/your/his/her fault.
• I’m sorry.
• There’s a better, faster & easier way to do this

This last one maybe the most dangerous of them all, coz you’re sure to start someone off with the Good Old Days Story. It goes something like this “Back when we didn’t have these fancy computers, we had to do everything by hand…”. Yeah whatever, you’re telling this to a generation to whom doing research means Google!