Skip to main content

Survival Guide To LIC (Part I)

Many of you must have wondered - so how do I survive in the cult? I won’t change and the cult cannot, so what happens when the irresistible force meets the immovable object? Well they adapt and they survive. So, if god forbid, any of you want to join LIC even after repeated !Do Not Enter! signs posted by yours truly, here’s the ultimate survival guide to LIC - applicable only if you are not already an LICian.

Caution: Read and apply at your own risk. I declaim all responsibility as to what will happen to you in spite of / thereof.

5 Simple Rules To Survive in LIC -
CYA – Cover Your Asscya
This corporate acronym actually had its origins in LIC, where it is taken to new heights never before seen by the private realm. The ultimate pinnacle of achievement – do something wrong and let another take the fall and then you say “wonder why some people do things like this?”

10CoT – 10 Cups of Tea coffee
Official drink of LIC. Don’t drink tea or coffee? What! Surely you jest. How will you claim chai/kaapi reimbursement? LIC does not offer FROOTI reimbursement. Ahem, vulgar money matters aside, how else will you avoid work? How will you cool off an angry customer, which species appears more often than you would think? (only offer, do not contract!)

SYW – Shrink Your Workday
Official timings: 10:00 AM – 5:00 PM  Lunch: 1:30 PM – 2:15 PM 
Number of working hours – 6 hrs 15 mins
Your timings:    11:00 AM – 4:00 PM  Lunch: 1:00 PM – 2:30 PM 
Number of working hours – 3 hrs 30 mins *
* This does not include chai/kaapi  breaks – see 10CoT above
(@1 cup = 15 mins, 10 cups = you do the math!)


NCC – No Customer Care  

Kotler’s mantra: Customer = king!
LIC’s mantra: Customer = kasht se mar!
 
Other Insurance Cos
LIC
Air Conditioning
Fans – Broken or absent
Plush sofas
Invisible Chairs
Brand new offices
50 year old offices
Customer Care Executives
We Don’t Care Officers


RGG – Rumour Gossip Grapevine gossip
Newly discovered, this closely guarded secret is the fastest constant in the known physical world. Light year? Mach5? The Rumour/Gossip Grapevine leaves ‘em all in the dust. *itching constantly is the key to keeping this vine alive and LICians do it uncommonly well. In fact this, along with 10CoT, is the top sport/life force of employees. As a bonus it can be done while pretending to work – whether on the monitor or head buried in a musty old notebook.

To Be Continued…

Popular posts from this blog

Arranged Versus Love Marriage

This post originally appeared in Women's Web:  Arranged Versus Love Marriage: Here's Why Things Are Changing In 21st-century India, change is so rapid that we barely have time to get used to something before some new trend is on the horizon. And I'm not just talking about technology here. Whether it is human behavior, relationships, societal or cultural norms, Indian society – along with the rest of the world – today is hardly recognizable to my parents or their parents. It's not a surprise that the institution of marriage and the process of finding a life partner is also undergoing a metamorphosis. Perhaps this is one of the areas where the gap between generations is the most obvious. Almost every day, there is a TV show or media report or blog post talking about arranged vs. love marriages. So I figured I would present my take on it as well! Whenever anyone talks about arranged versus love marriages - I don't know why they are always portrayed as opposing

Why Don’t We Raise Our Sons like We Do Our Daughters?

This post originally appeard in Women's Web: Why Don’t We Raise Our Sons like We Do Our Daughters? One of the hot button topics right now in Indian media is the safety of women – or rather how our country doesn't really care about half its population. From rape, sexual assault, harassment (in streets, public transport, nearly every public place) to violence perpetrated on women, Indians are finally getting around to discussing taboo topics. One refrain that caught my eye throughout these debates – both online and off – is the fact that the reaction of the majority of Indians is the same: girls should stay at home, not go out after dark, dress appropriately and so on if they want to stay safe. No one seems to bat an eyelid when laying down these precautions for women. Except that the reality is women would be far safer if all the men simply DID NOT RAPE or HARASS any person that looks remotely female. No one has to stay at home and become a hermit! That got me th

Education and Learning

Fourteen years of school. Three - four years of undergraduate college. Two years for a graduate degree. Start working or making babies. Sound familiar? It should, it’s what the majority of lives in this country look like. Ten years ago, I was headed down the same street. Engineering, MBA and then on to a fat pay check, like countless other teenagers, products of a system seemingly obsessed with stability and an extreme aversion to risk and failure. While I did end up getting 2 degrees and the pay check (with a stable, GOI company no less!) I also realized I hated it. Going to work from 9 to 7, doing the same endless, mind numbing, repetitive tasks, sitting in the same chair for ten odd years before getting promoted and dodging responsibility in order to retire with a pension suddenly seemed a lot less attractive when I was looking at it from the wrong end of 35 years! And history shall say I quit. But now what? I did what any sane person without a job and all the time in the w