Skip to main content

Time To Grow UP!

It’s been two years now since I’ve started hearing the dreaded M word, no not money but Marriage with a capital M. And of course being an Indian girl the only real option you have is to let your parents ‘arrange’ it, which by definition means
Arranged Marriage – Process by which family A condescends to let their son be married to the daughter of family B who is in turn thrilled that their precious daughter is able to marry someone who can provide for her (mostly through the dowry given by family B not to mention her salary at her ‘day’ job). In addition the son has approved the daughter’s looks while the daughter was just annoyed enough to say yes to what ever sample of homo erectus the family B has managed to dig up.
Now come the Rules of Engagement for both the sides. Say what you will about arranged marriages, you can’t accuse the family elders of not playing by the rules. Here then is an extract from the Rulebook for both guys and gals. Different rules for guys and gals, you didn’t really expect this whole shebang to be fair did you? For more on the subject read my earlier post here.

First up, Mr Perfect -
  1. Do not go to jail. (Duh! These things can be checked)
  2. No drugs, alcohol or cigarettes (Of course the occasional smoke or drink is ok as long as we, the parents, don’t find out, gives us plausible deniability. Plus, think what a nice surprise for your wife!?)
  3. Be a virgin. (Completely optional, after all who’s gonna find out anyway?)
  4. Do not be gay. (21st century concern for parents)
Next Ms Should Try Harder -
  1. No jail, drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. Period.
  2. Be a virgin. (Not negotiable)
  3. Be straight. (Girls can be gay?! What is this world coming to?)
  4. DO NOT THINK DIFFERENT. Better yet do not think at all.
  5. Believe in God. Not enough if you fake it, you have to really believe in God.
  6. Be an expert cook. Again not negotiable, you don’t want him complaining about your cooking to his mom do you? (And yes, grown Mr Perfect will still go running to his mom when something goes wrong and no, it is NOT a sign of imbecility)
  7. Posses excellent housekeeping skills. Your house should look like it can be featured on the cover of ‘Good Housekeeping’ even on the maid’s day off coz that’s the time his mother will pick to visit.
  8. Do not try to muscle in on male territory. Always be humble. Don’t you dare be better at manly stuff like thinking, driving, playing video games, gadgets, financial planning & then try to get out of doing female things like watching saas-bahu serials on TV and bitching about the next door neighbour/relative. Men > women and don’t you forget it.
  9. Be a master diplomat & have proven expertise in reading between the lines. You can’t possibly be naive enough to think his mom will look at you as a person & not as someone who’s out to wrench her Mr Perfect away from her. Even though she was the one who okayed you in the first place.
  10. Love to wear saris and jewellery. Profess undying love for this great country’s traditions even though secretly you’d like nothing more than to live in your jeans for the rest of your life.
  11. Always put family over friends. Never mind that family has never stood up for you and is always judging you, while friends have done the exact opposite. After all blood is thicker than water.
  12. Any other arbitrary rule to be made up as and when required.
There you have it folks! If anyone out there wants their marriage arranged, simply follow the above rules and unleash the hounds of Hell. Oh and also get your head examined.

Comments

  1. Bang On!!!I don't think it could have been expressed in any better!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for stopping by and the compliment!

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Ms. Should try harder" - Love it!!

    That said, I would like to add to the list of Mr. Perfect
    1. Make lots of money
    2. Have lots of property in the immediate family, preferably in his name (Even though the poor guy has just finished his education and somehow landed a job in a recession and is barely making enough to cover his loans, let alone invest in properties)
    3. Look like an impossible child of Brad Pitt and George Clooney
    4. Be strong enough to bench press 200 kgs and at the same time have the dexterity to help hook up her necklace at the back.
    5. Be able to follow her around on her shopping trips not for shopping advice (You think your opinion matters? Ha ha!) but for merely carrying the bags around and picking up the tab.
    6. Be an expert on everything around the house, from electronics to plumbing and the car; Nevermind the poor guy is an arts major.
    7. Make even more money
    8. Help with errands around the house with a smile on the face lest you be labelled sexist
    9. Manage all of the above without a hint of complaining or showing any signs of vulnerability. If you do, get ready to be labelled a 'wimp' and get ready for comments like "Mard ban, Be a Man!"

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Book Review: Tropical Wonderland

Wow, it's been a long time since we had a post around here! I do apologize for the long gap but the job search is taking up quite a bit of my time. The rest of it is filled with frustration at not finding one, so yeah. This means while I have all the time in the world for coloring, I'm too anxious or depressed to pick up my pencils sometimes. And I don't quite have the energy to blog about it. Anyway onto today's book review.

Book - Tropical Wonderland
Author - Millie Marotta
Description
Artists like Johanna Basford and Hanna Karlzon have special editions of their popular books. These books have better paper – often card stock, are printed on one side and can be removed from the book for putting up on your walls. My only issue with these books is that they have only a handful of pages from the original book.

Millie Marotta's deluxe editions are very different. So far there have been three deluxe editions of her early books and they are exquisite. They are printed on …

Color Harmonies

Last week we talked about the basics of color theory and warm vs. cool colors. Today let's take a look at some color combinations from the color wheel. These are classic rules of thumb you can use to select colors for a page. There are two-color combos, three-color combos and four-color combos. When you select a group of colors from these palates, you're almost guaranteed a good-looking finished product. That's because these colors tend to work well together on the page.

Two Color Schemes
When you want to select just two colors for page, complementary and counterpoint colors are a good place to start. Complementary colors are those that are the opposite ends of the color wheel. Since we have 12 colors in the color wheel, we get 6 pairs of complementary colors.

The counterpoint color is the one to the right of the complementary color. So green is the complementary color for red but the counterpoint would be blue-green which is one step to the right.

You can get vibrant look…

Selecting Colors

Last week we talked about color harmonies and I promised to show you a couple of tools that I use regularly for coloring. Even knowing about the color harmonies doesn't mean it's easy to pick out colors for a page. Given the many colors in our pencils and pens, it's not hard to get stuck before you even begin. 

For all those times when you are starting a page and don't quite know which colors to pick, you need inspiration. You can get inspiration by just looking around your home or out the window.  Open your closet and  look at your clothes, see a pattern that you like? Use the same colors on your page.  You can also check out photos on the internet to get some ideas about color palettes and combinations. 

Still having trouble? Check out my 2 favorite tools below and see if you like those instead.

Palette Inspiration
There's one particular website that I absolutely love for color inspiration and that's Design Seeds.  This website has a veritable feast of palettes g…